And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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