does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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