after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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