you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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