Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
