May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
