insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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