Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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