Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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