He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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