You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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