her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
