checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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