then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
