i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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