There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
