Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
