Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
