hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I want is dick and wine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
