Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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