Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
not ubering you a puppy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
