maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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