i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
