made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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