I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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