I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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