She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
