Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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