i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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