I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
