capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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