Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
