Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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