My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
