i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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