Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
