Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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