i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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