What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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