I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
