we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize