Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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