Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
