My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
