After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
