So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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