im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
