The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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