this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
