The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Boobs are out for the taking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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