My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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