guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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