no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
