I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
