I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
