Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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