i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
