Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
bring money and cleavage
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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