god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
