So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Shame is for Republicans.
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