Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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