I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize