You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
