Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
