He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
