do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
